July 22, 2009

Tunnel Vision

I realize i have some poor relationship skills that i could do better to improve them. I think I'm sometimes afraid to self examine. It's much easier (not to mention more comfortable) to live in self delusion but i think to be true to oneself is important work.

i had a dream about a truck (a blue green ford ranger to be exact) that had flattened tires and i went to fix it. The truck belonged to a man that didn't really need it and let it fall to pieces. I put gas in the truck and had a mechanic inspect it. Turns out all it needs is a set of new tires! Just when I thought this perfect truck (not too big, not too small) was mine to keep, the owner returned and said otherwise. I was disappointed but in spite I claimed that I didn't need it anyway (which was a lie).

The man's wife invited me up for dinner along with their kids (as a concession I suppose) but I declined stating that I would rather lay down by the lake and take a nap instead (again, out of spite). I woke up feeling shameful of how i behaved in my dream. Am I so defensive in real life? I asked myself. How can I learn to trust better.

woke up from another dream where i was jogging at a really fast clip and feeling really good and woke up wanting to go running. how nice it would be to wake up everyday feeling this inspired.

I wonder if i can recapture my inquisitive nature, a quality i had as a younger person.

i went to climb a tree today and so when i'm bored i like to do it sightless. Using just "feel" i climbed my way on up. when i finally did open my eyes i was amazed at just how far and high I had come. It's interesting how far you can go when you don't focus on falling (my eyes were closed I wasn't thinking about how far i would fall) and just focus on where you want to go.

July 08, 2009

The Passion Test

reading a great book called the passion test by Janet Attwood. the basic premise is if you feel lethargic about your life, there's hope. Everyone has a passion, our job is to discover it. Some wonderful quotes from this read so far:

" There are two great days in a person's life -
the day we are born
and the day we discover why."

"We are at our very best, and we are happiest,
when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy,
on the journey toward the goal we've established for ourselves.
It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep,
It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile."