Keep the Window Cracked

1. People I've met:
* a woman plops on the seat in front of me and the first thing she does is complains why the bus is 10 minutes late. I don't care for complainers so I put on my headphones, avoid eye contact, and focus my eyes on a book. A few minutes pass and she asks me if she can use my cell phone. I pretend that I don't hear her and continue reading my book. She tenacious however and pokes her hand in my face to get my attention. I look up reluctantly.
" Do you have a phone?"
Me: "Yea."
" May I use it to make a phone call?"
Despite not having a good impression of her I figure it wouldn't hurt. She then proceeds to jabber for a good fifteen minutes and I give up reading my book. I can't wait to get off this bus. Then magic happens. She strikes up a conversation with a blind girl next to her, complimenting her on her pretty hair. At the next stop she helps a handicapped guy get off the buss and I think to myself, that's nice of her, she's probably a friendly person after all. I am reminded of the truism: there's always good in everyone, you just have to keep your eyes open.
* one of my favorite things to do in public is eavesdrop on people's conversations. I'm nosy.
* I ask my friend Scotty a hypothetical question: could he love someone who cheats on him and he replies, "if you really really love them, then you have no choice. it's unconditional." I guess he has a point.
2. Highlights from past week:
* I had a dream a little boy was so proud that he had such a great big brother and I wanted to be that big brother.
* a sign at an elementary school has a big red apple and a smiling green worm and says "bite into life"
* I received a call from a number I didn't recognize. I answered and a lady on the line said " Jonathan is in the nurse's office not feeling good."
I replied, "I'm sorry to hear that Jonathan is not feeling well but you have the wrong number." It reminded me of the time I got a busted lip on my first day of middle school courtesy of an accidental headbutt.
* I took a bike ride all the way to south austin past ben white and it felt like I was in a completely different city. There's always something magical about the air around you when you find yourself in a new environment. Even the trees looked different to me.
* I treated myself to a massage. Hadn't had one in over two years. It's just what I needed and I highly recommend it.
* Spent Wednesday at the Farmer's Market. I'm suppose to feel like an outsider since I'm the only guy without a family or even a girlfriend but that doesn't stop me. To see happy families and chubby little kids makes me pretty happy. A baby boy even crawled up close to take a look at my notebook. I'd like to have a family of my own someday but for now it will have to be a vicarious affair.
* I've been watching romance movies lately. It's funny because even as a teenager I would have a stack of romance novels in my drawer. My dad even found one once and I was not embarrassed. So what? Why can't a boy be into raunchy literature? My favorite romance movies are made by Cameron Crowe: Jerry Maguire and Vanilla Sky.
3. Antihighlights
* For some reason a guy cleaning his car caught my attention as I was riding my bike. It turned out to be a mistake as he was bending over to vacuum and I caught an eyefull of buttcrack. Please, kind sir, pull up your pants. Then I thought to myself, no one asked me to look. The bright side was that I didn't run into a curb or the stop sign.
4. Random thoughts
* what in the world is antipasta? is it a) a dish that does not have pasta b) an adjective describing one who is against holding on to the past. If it's a) then I think that's pretty stupid. How about some antifriedchicken.
* is it an oxymoron when the first thing that fighters do after they win a fight is to thank jesus?
Quotes I've enjoyed:
* you can be poor by yourself you don't need any help
* tough times don't last, tough people do

Romance as a Theme

November 19, 2006 - Sunday
8:43 A.M. Business School Lab Austin--TX

I begin my day today with romance as my inspiration. What is it about romance that makes many yearn for it. What if they produced a pill that you could pop in or a martini you could drink out that could produce a replica feeling of your first love; wouldn't that be just grand? With women, it seems that my romances have come and gone. I appreciate them for what they are, these short-lived flights of fancy, but times have shown me to not make more than what is..in reality...only a moment.

But hey! There are definitely other sources for romance. Novels, movies, music; all three speak of meetings, courtships, and loves so thrilling they have the ability to affect romantic feelings in us. I think I just might write a love song for someone today and, perhaps, a break-up song right after. Can't have the sweet without the sour? Ergo, concordingly, visa vise...I don't have a damn clue what I am saying. I just thought that it would make me sound cool. Ergo, I am cool...aren't I?

Something from my college days has struck me. I remember having once created moods for my days by indiscriminately giving them themes. Like today - romance. Romance affects me. How am curious...How can I approach my day with a rush of romance, an inkling of infatuation, and a lot of lust? Comment and eProp me if you have any suggestions, i.e. books, cd's, videos, experiences. Until then, comrades! Vaya Bien.

Burning Man

Been feeling down all day. Tried to shake it off with a morning jog. Didn't work. It's about needing someone to hold. I've been yearning for affection all this year. Finally met a nice girl, Carly, in Colorado Springs. We had something nice there I believed. I did something and now she doesn't want me anymore. Romance can be so good, then incredibly disappointing. Well, I won't choose to hold on. I just need somebody to hold. It's never about the girl, and always about the relationship. My stupid mouth. Tonight, I hold myself.

On Romance

Richland College--Dallas, TX

So where does the story go? What a fun question to ask ourselves regarding our lives. Man! I have been without a "girlfriend" for a year and a half. And a stud like me? Hehe. Well, I do have someone I think about a lot, but I gave up on romance a long time ago. I mean, sure, romance is GREAT in books, on film, and in songs. But, who are you kidding? Romance between two people. Such things are not meant to last.

NO! I am not a bitter humbug who got dropped by his ex-girlfriend. Who me? haha. Nah, it's actually how I felt about romance before I got involved. Friendship, now that's something different. Friendships can last. But the nature of romance will come and go. I am trying to find love in the arts: music, narration, nature. Why? I have one experience I hold near and dear to my heart. There was a pleasant summer day last year I spent by the lake at Richland College.

A friend and I spotted a very attractive girl sitting by herself on a bench by the lake talking on her cell phone. We both could not help but oggle at how the sun shined on her. However, something inside me told me to pay attention to the bench that she was sitting on. Yes, the bench. So I spent the next 10 minutes zoning in on the bench underneath her. Sure enough and shortly after, the girl left, still on her cell phone.

My friend's gaze followed her direction while my eyes where glued on the bench. Then and there I found true appreciation. You see, the girl comes and goes...but the bench...my, my. The bench remains; sturdy, dependable, functional. Imagine being sat on by an incredible number of asses of all shapes, sizes, and (most unfortunately) smells, yet, remaining true to one's purpose: to provide a basic necessity. I admire that bench and I still do. Whenever I stride by it, not only do I sit on it, but I meditate, talk to, and even pet it (at times). Well, that's all friends. This is Dao signing out. Until we meet again. :)*

All That You Can't Leave Behind

Monday Jan. 05-'04! 6:45A.M. Miami Beach, FL

The air is so nice here, fresh, naturally, a hint of salt from the sea, calm and steady. I come here today for hope and what better a symbol for it than morning sunrise. Last night I had a vivid dream. It involved two people who really affect me, one I hat to love and the other I hate to hate. My once girlfriend turned "dissacciate" is the one I hate to love. Naturally we still have feelings for one another but she'll deny it and has moved on to new relationships. So I love her, but I hate that I do.

The dream last night starts with me chasing after her down a huigh school hallway, longing for affection to be returned. Her body language communicates that she would rather let time erase what was between us. I think to myself, "women. so typical" After relentless pursit, she finally agrees to talk to me. I have a seductive affect on her and she me, so we kiss passionately and all things are back to good. [Interruption of thought: the sun just rose over the water's horizon. It is beautiful, awe-full, and so, so transient; if you blink you just might miss it.] So we find ourselves happy and embraced in each others arms in my mothers sewing room watching television. Things are so perfect, too perfect, I feel something bothersome coming, and sure enough, it is my father, who scorns and yells at me to be more productive.

Always intimidated by him, I don't bother verbalizing what utters in my head, "Look around pops, there's really nothing left to be done." But in my dream, my father can read my mind and he says, angrily, "Oh, yea? Well I got something for you to do. You can put finish on the wooden drawers in your room." I want to think, "Oh brother, how necessary" but I don't b/c I know he can read my mind. I wake up to the repetitive back and forth motion of my paintbrush on wood. Interpretations, anybody?
Dancin' Dao (dancin' thru life)

East Coast Dreams

A short story of what I HOPE will happen for me traveling out East; a visualization exercise, so to speak:

anyhow...back to my blue...i know that i'll be in philly come whatever. i'm doing a bike tour...taking I-95 all the wall up for the 2nd quarter...spring...so wonderful..i think. beach life is the best of course...who doesn't like the beach...something about the ocean. i do searches...and from what i know spring is such a great time to bike...and then summer comes along and so you want to go up north, really really north, i was thinking new york for july aug and sept...pretty nice deal actually, and then getting outta there heading south again..haha...

I guess this living "freely" is really nice, it's a nice gig, so to speak. I'm saving up a lot of money. got 1200 from last i heard. Still it's small money...but still, it's money. i like showering my siblings with gifts...it makes me feel nice...stuff, i think they need of course and stuff that they need. so it's cool. so yea, it's a question of lifestyle. i know my pops doesn't like my lifestyle, but i do...like my lifestyle. it's great.. i'm learning alot about myself and about the world and how people live. i even am keeping a travelogue on xanga. things are not so bad. meeting alot of like minded people. Living very freely.

As far as safety. I have a van now. It's coo, i guess. except for when I move to another place..then i have to sell it. especially if it's overseas. well, then again, i can just leave it at my brother's seems like such a hassle sometimes. Then when to visit them is always a question. i always try to keep a relationship try my best a long distance one...it does involve skill and effort. I love them so much.. i wish the best for them. It's a good life. always learning. I like the challenge of adapting.

Well, i met someone. She is just really something special. I asked her if she'd like to come along with me. She says yes, but then her parents. Well, we decided to keep a long distance relationship, as friends...we're such good friends. I'd like to marry her someday, really. It turns out that i think about her more and more everyday. i mean, sure she's really special, and she thinks i'm special...and then these journeys are something else. I have all these different friends. but she stands out DEFINITELY

i want to see more of the world. south america for x-mas...i did it! it is just so wonderful! i had to buy a van and travel that way...my biking days wow...and so i keep on going this way...I keep on learning. When is enough enough dao? when do you want to "settle down" Ha. so funny. Not anytime soon, i don't believe. Alot of success...things are feeling good for me, a lot of new experiences...i am very safe...i take defense classes! haha. funny.

As it turns out...I am beginning to feel something. It's VERY special..of all the things that I like, as art...improvisation and traveling have become really key in my life and living freely. As it turns out...There is an opportunity for me to be a freelance photographer for national geographic. I've been taking all sorts of pictures...beginning to see why sage likes it so much...b/c i am getting better myself...and wrting has become SO much a center force...it's really something...and I've had some success with it!

My first book, being published, on living life alternatively...a travelogue more or less, a compilation...i've sold 60 copies so far! amazing! Things are looking up for me as a writer, reminds me of that time dad made a poke at my journal..haha, so funny how things work and that is the writing world. so I have become a writer and i'm gettting better and better. Ha, how funny, seriously.. I mean, it's boring and yet, i'm so good at it...it's really my love. and everything else, guitar, acting, all that..I write with harmony, I write with emotion, it leaps from the pages...I remember meeting writing at UT way back when, really beautiful stuff.

Now, in my life, it has taken precedence. I don't want to settle down with it just yet...i keep on continuing doing what i do. it's nice to be able to bring a pen with you. shit, i've been writing since high school and didn't even know it. Wonderful stories i write, wonderful books i have written. well, we will see how it all unfolds...as it turns out she wants to be with me regardless...wow, that's really wonderful, seriously, really wonderful. So now, a new spin on life, how can i do the two things I love, write and love Michelle? I can write wherever she goes. wisconsin? haha, how funny...how about miami? again? haha.

I love them all for different reasons...the best reason is family. the meaning of family, it took me four years. so she says, actually, my company may come with me to paris, france. Would you like to make a life in Paris? I dunno, about my family, my ma and pa, what about christmass and the sort? will we have money? it's always been about the money one way or another. Dun worry, we'll fly, no, i have too much pride about that stuff, i would like to be self sufficient. you will be lovely. I'm sorry. I can't. And so there and then the relationship falls apart...even something that I truly did love so damn much, and the writing is all we have left, of course that is the nature of love, we knew that from the beginning, self interest always outweighs benevolence, so there we are again, being self interested.

The pain brings about a new wave of writing like never before, we come out with the finest material. In search for meaing, more or less. the road less traveled. Wow, you know, I have found that I will always be traveling one way form or another, it will be my lifestyle. I celbrate my 24th birthday today, whoa...coming of age, i really feel like an independent man now...it is quite a nice feeling. and I celebrate it in miami.. damn, already? How interesting. and finally boston for the third quadrant, july aug sept, and then begin to take a greyhound back south, at this rate we are going, things are going well for us.

What a crazy adventure just because you heard someone else did it you wanted to try it. you never stick to anything like this in your life. It loses it's thrill does it not? Well the challenge is really the interesting part. The challenge never loses it's thrill because the challenge is stated: can you endure? of course it is an adventure in itself. Seriously? Do you mean it? you are going to do this? whoa. that is just pure madness. you leave early from miami on your birthday or so? and on your journey, whoa...and you don't get there until when?

what's the rush? there's no rush, it's a good, a very good lesson in life, you can do just abuot anything after you do a bike tour. And I can honestly say, that changed my life forever. what a beautiful story unraveling. yes, i can see it happening now. Not going to be easy. Lots and lots of challenges. of course, then we see it all unravel, all before our eyes. in Philadelphia for a little bit, in Hacketstown a little and then New York, lots and lots, it's all really close, really. Whoa, so you're actually traveling more in Florida than you had expected..to live in a town for no more than a month, our quadrants broken down by months, pick a town, and what about in transit?

All this traveling, what are we to make of it? what are we learning about ourselves? so much, and the occupation and financial progress, and social progress, and emotional progress. I learn that I don't want to bike all that much? really? well, I can approach it in a fun way, but, it's really a waste of time, to me anyhow, like, it's enough, the challenge is no longer there, the challenge now is how can I make money with my writing. So I decide to stay put in one place:San Diego. And I write. Who knows...follow your heart, I feel good about my long vision. Let's return to short term.