the river travel car homeless stories

"The Day I Stopped Giving a Cr#p"
When you don't have any reasons to stay, it doesn't take a whole lot to leave.  I got kicked out of college when I was 21 for not showing up to classes.  Usually schools could care less about attendance as long as they're receiving tuition but I was at UT on scholarship and they decided this free ride was over and showed me the door.  

My girlfriend broke up with me the next day because I wasn't paying rent and kept eating all her food.  I was a shameless freeloader, correction, former freeloader, as my supply lines were abruptly cut off.  With $200 to my name I hit the road. I didn't know where but I had to go - somewhere, anywhere but here. Looking back, I was unhappy because I didn't want to accept the responsibilities of what I thought adulthood meant: getting a job. Some people escape through drinking and drugs. I was always too scared to get into all that mess but I had this incredible internal itch, one I had no idea how to resolve.  The closest thing to crawling out of my own skin was to pack up and leave.

I thought, "maybe if I started over things might be different", and gave myself til the end of the day to decide where to go.

The day passed. I had lunch. I walked about, going back in forth weighing pro's and con's.  Unequivocally, it was the lowest I'd ever felt.  What would my parents think?  All my brothers and sisters were either excelling in school or running successful businesses and here I was living out of my car sneaking into the YMCA to take showers.  I did not feel like a Nguyener.

One of my beliefs now is "clarity comes from action". Not because life necessarily gets easier but you learn more about what you need and what you can do without.  I was paralyzed from making a decision because I was so scared of the unknown and yet what I did know was Austin was not working for me.  I remember having taken a road trip to Houston with my friend, Thuan, on Bastrop 71 and how it crossed the Colorado more than 5 times. There was something about rivers I connected to.  Perhaps because I am a Pisces.  I was very much like water - fluid, perhaps too much and I yearned for guidance.  The River whispered an invitation and I happily accepted.  Instead of crawling out of my skin, I crawled along the Colorado with the moonlight guiding me southbound.  I felt a sense of calm and connectedness to my life, my Self, and to my environment like I had not in a long time.  (to be continued)





The river is a great teacher.

“You’re not good enough.” “You’ll never amount to anything; have you proven yourself before?” “You’re wasting your time, you’ll never make it.” “You’re an idiot for thinking you can.”

et, even while all of this profound negativity is being channeled toward the river, it continues to flow.

The river moves no matter what the atmosphere. If it’s raining, lightning or grey – it moves. The river channels all of its mind, body and spirit into the direction of its dreams.

When the river goes through a break up with its beloved – it doesn’t stop moving. It flows. It’s relentless. It’s wise.

Since the river is always flowing and moving – do you think it’s never in a bad mood? Wrong again – of course it gets in bad moods. It just moves in spite of them. It moves. It moves. It moves. The river also doesn’t take pleasure and often feels pain when others project their negative viewpoint on it. When this occurs, however, the trademark sound of babbling, rushing water continues, unimpeded.

It’s hard to believe, but the river worries sometimes too, just like you and me. Except you would never know by looking at it, as it never allows itself to become stagnant; it’s a rushing river my friend! It opts to run on the wisdom of its inner being and not be handicapped by some toxic emotion that would have it flow differently.

Also – the river blames no one. It takes full responsibility for its shortcomings in the past. It realized long ago that meditating on what it believes made it fail to live up to its potential has only led to its turning into musty canal water where slimy, green algae grows.

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you . . . ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer.” [emphasis mine]

One thing you can be certain of about the river is that it never dwells on the past. Ever. Do you hear the sound of the water rushing over the rocks? Tell me… when you hear the babbling water, when are you hearing it; in the past or the future? Neither. It’s only possible to hear this precious sound in the now.

Since the river channels all of its mind, body and spirit into the present, it has no room to dwell on the past. The river understands by letting go of the past entirely, allows for its potential in the present to reach its absolute zenith. If the river was to dwell on the past, it would lack the energy to flow and create its beautiful music.


It should be mentioned that I was sitting by the river a few weeks ago and sparked a chat with it. I said, “Tell me, River, how do you do it?”

It responded:

“No matter what obstacle comes my way, be it mental, be it physical, I’m going to direct my flow in the direction I want it to go.”

Things I've Learned - Month of January

We Will Be Provided For

I'm trying to make this a monthly entry. let's see. things that i have learned. first thing that comes to mind is the idea that often times we don't so much learn things as we do re-learn them. I find that mistakes made more than once really irritate me to make a change.
- The best way to learn is to teach
the idea that by listening and helping others we are actually in the process of hearing and helping ourselves out in the process. I have friends trying to figure out their lives and they remind me so much of myself and every time I take the time to be a friend and share with them what I've learned, I am only reiterating these lessons for myself
- the quality of our lives is in direct relation to the quality of our communication. the most important of which is what and how we communicate to ourselves, especially seeming negative events that happen to us. For example, I once owned a moped I bought to deliver pizzas for a local chain called Gumby's (the only place that would allow me to do so). After a week, it broke down in the middle of a run. I decided that that pizza still had to be delivered so I pushed-walked the moped the rest of the way, delivered the pizza and pushed-walked it all the way back to Gumby's.

I told the manager of my predicament and subsequently went into an emotional funk for a month or so. It would cost about the same to fix the scooter as it was to purchase a new one. It was the only idea I had at the time to provide for myself.

Looking back, I had communicated to myself that I was an idiot for buying that scooter and why try when Life only beats you down, along with "I'm no good" and that "Life is hard". In addition, I was couch-surfing a friend's place (actually, kitchen-surfing as there was no couch only 5x4 linoleum space in the kitchen to sleep) and knew that I had a limited amount of time before I overstayed my welcome. I felt so alone. I was devastated.

If this same scenario were to happen to me today I would first acknowledged that this was a definite possibility buying a used scooter. Secondly, i would go celebrate by buying myself a nice meal and getting a massage, anything to break me off from my depressing state. I would then lay down, close my eyes, and rest. After that I would muster the courage to face the day and go for a walk.

Then I would just try to do something I enjoyed just for pleasure's sake; play basketball, listen to music, read book (but stay away from the t.v. as that can be counterproductive). This, to remind myself that Life, in addition to being hard, can also be filled with simple pleasures, and that God will provide for me if I am willing to get back on my feet.

Once I got out of my mental bog (the idea that this too shall pass) then i believe that motivation starts with a thought. I think a lot that exists in the world once started from a single thought. I would have begun to think about what the breaking down of the scooter means. Perhaps it means that God wanted me to be safe and that the moped could have caused me an injury? Perhaps it meant that I was being tested. If anything it was a way for me to appreciate what i do have now At the time it totally sucked. Oh, it could be a lesson that I need to learn. That when it comes to providing for myself, it's dangerous to put all my eggs in one basket - or be weary of purchasing a used scooter if you don't know anything about fixing them. If I could, I would go back and whisper to myself, "I know if feels bleak at the moment, but I assure you, you will be provided for."

keywords: lessons

people first, then place

it took two times for me to realize, great weather means nothing if I'm depressed and holed up in my room all day. social environment is very important. Why to San Fran and Denver running away from pain. I want to stop that behavioral pattern. Running away from the weather. But also, the negativity I felt the last few days before I left are not positive.