The Winding Road

Monday, December 15, 2003
Here are my current philosophies on life. I like to approach my life using analogies. Lately, I have been referencing my life to a roadtrip. It's funny, normally when you think of roadtrips, you are affected with excitement and a feelings of anticipation. However, lately i've been feelin' very reluctant to go anywhere. I don't know exactly what it is, but the motivation hasn't been with me lately. You know the feeling you get when you know you ought to get out of here but you don't exactly have any reason outside of the hope that once you get out you will encounter that reason.

California Dreamin'

Monday, December 15, 2003
I'm listening to Counting Crows "Long December" and doing research on life in California. I'm thinking about making a move out there by the ocean. I don't have any real reason to go: no job waiting for me, no long distance lover in L.A., no family in San Fran. Just the curiosity of how life would be experienced for me out there. It's terrible that I find myself writing my xanga's only when I am feeling out of whack. I actually don't feel this way the majority of the time, but is sure paves way for good, soulful writing. It's been difficult convincing myself that I will be leaving in a month's time. I know that I will be leaving but I do not know....?

Burning Man

October 16, 2006 - Monday

Jester Dormitory Austin, TX

My life i live in desperation. I place myself in desperate measures. Perhaps I need it, perhaps I seek it. I feel desperate for work right now. I fell desperate this morning. Analogous to my having to go pee and spurting from the 5th floor to the women's restroom, I smile. I think that I like this desperation. The reason why I am alone is because I do not with this on others. It's a hard life, in some regards, and an easy one in others. When others ask what my goals are, i spill them my dreams of adrenaline.

A goal so unspecified, I have no idea what I speak about. It's a Sunday morning and the worlds mostly still asleep here in Austin. I don't even have a decent pair of socks to wear. A life of temporary solutions. My life is an opportunity to figure out what works for me. I have been without work for 2 weeks now, finding work isn't difficult, finding the motivation is. I feel somewhat trapped in this work -- entrapment cycle. it will not end. I am beginning to believe that we work hard in hopes of retiring. God, what a life. How can you trick your mind into bearing that? The mind can do anything it wants to.

A Hippie Ethic

4:46 P.M Pharmacy Building Austin -- TX

God. It's a gorgeous day outside. I mean, truly picturesque. I feel very lucky to be alive and well here in Austin. Just got back fr9om volunteering at a soup kitchen downtown. Good thin I came hungry, too, because there was plenty of food. What perplexed me though was the mixed feelings I had about my experience. I guess poverty caused me to feel uneasy. I don't enfoy seeing others in poverty. It disturbs me.

All these questions pop up in my head about these homeless people. Where do they sleep at night? What became of their relationships with their siblings? Are they happy with their lives? Or is being poor really not that bad a gig? Right now, I guess what's so bothersome is that I don't see the distinction between their lives and my life. If i feel disgusted by their existence, feel pity, then is MY life to be pitied? Essentially I am without home.

Essentially. my relationship with my siblings has deteriorated and that disturbs me. Sure, wealthy people can feel out of place, rejected and sure, wealthy people can have fall-outs with their families too, but at least, the rich can put on an image of success. Perhaps I cannot answer for the homeless of Austin, but I can answer for myself what I think will be a successful 9outcome for me. Maybe being fed by youngsters when I am 40 is not my picture of success.

Perhaps volunteering and eating recycled foods despite being incredibly wealthy will, or riding a bicycle to work despite being incredibly wealthy is also. Pewrhaps it's about having power over oneself. "unlimited power" by Anthony Robbins, check it out at your local library. I do remember wanting to live in poverty out of choice and using my money for goodwill, goodwork, and activism.

"Piecing the Puzzle"

Jester Dorm -- Austin, TX

The day before I left for Austin, my youngest brother, Luong, and my darling baby sister, Jessica, worked on a jigsaw puzzle that had been strewn carelessly across the family game-room for months without progress. We got our gathered our talents and aimed to put this bad boy together. It was difficult at first. Actually, that is an understatement. It was daunting at first; pieces were organized yet no connections; many times promising leads turned eventually turned into dead ends.

We were frustrated, figity, and flatulous (well Jessica mostly), I called for a group break to analyze and reorganize our approach. Our second try proved slow, at first, then all of a sudden Luong called out, "Got one!" quickly followed by a "got one!" from Jessica. Shortly thereafter, I, myself, was piecing things together. We worked at this incredible rate for another 30 minutes; pieces seemingly connecting themselves and without difficulty.

I was feeling lonely just yesterday, as you read in the previous entry, so I decided to make it a point to contact my peeps. I called mother at work, and although rattling me out for having left Dallas, I felt a peculiar warmth of intimacy...the kind that annoys you but you appreciate nevertheless. Then I called and met up with an 'ol friend, John Tran.

We talk for a little bit and head out to a tea shop and there I run into another friend, Bee, who is getting married in two weeks. Then, as I am talking to Bee, another friend named Jeanie, who happens to work there, approached me and we did the whole "hi! wow haven't seen you...da da...the whole nine yards. She told me that in the shop were other people that I knew...I was just socially overwhelmed and didn't even bother to come over to say hello.

Point in case...sometimes you complain to yourself how lonely you feel, only to complain another day how you don't have any control when you're being bombarded with friends. This is Dao, signing out. Oh, again, if you know any musicians or any related contacts for musicians email me at dal_nguyen@yahoo.com