roommate relationship clarify

what we want relationships: three kinds > intimate (spiritual), care partner, business
define what you don't want
qualities: self absorbed.
what we want: mutually sharing, caring, contributing, communicates well, makes us feel significant, common values,
create personal for craigslist for sharing/talking buddy
search for similar chat buddy ads

Ken

business relationship: wedding photography, labor moving,
personal - activity partner, project love. reflective personal coach. do you want to change? what do you want to change? how can we be a resource for one another? stress management
* wants a woman to love him, $300/mnth child support
+'s likes to share what he has, friendly, pretty funny guy, lots of energy

Chris

business: moving w/ ken
personal: volunteer partner,
+'s considerate, generous, kind, loves to share things, loves to connect, looks for the good in others

Daniel

business relationship: rent, massage barter,
personal - activity partner, conversational. personal coach, do you want to change,
+'s loves to share things, loves to connect, looks for the good in others

Brian

business relationship - bulk of rent,
personal - cycling, groceries, dining
+'s generous, he's never at home, driven (motivation by osmosis) Self - be more productive, focused, have more money, be better at relationship, eat healthier, have more female friends.
relationship clarify
what we do not want:
- to feel that we did not experience the highs in life associated with romantic love
- the feeling that I'm "missing out" on something
- don't want hurt misunderstanding unresolved hurts.
what we do want:
- authentic love: that you love me b/c you think i'm beautiful and you can't stand seeing me alone and yet i know you're okay but that you deserve more.
- i want to give to others
- i want muses's to inspire me
- focused on social change in a fun way.
- I want to hold and love a baby child.
- I want to feel needed
- I also want my freedom
- I want to be admired

relationships or forming them can equal hurt and i shed a tear today and did not know why and realized that I have not done well in my relationships and I can focus on what I can change, because that's the only thing that I can control is how i treat others so here are some of the mistakes I've made in the past and how I hope to remedy them.
1 I have felt disappointed and hurt by others my dad, katie jo, i don't know how i can change or prevent feeling hurt. so I've shied away from relationships. They hurt so much but that's no way to live. fear of disappointment or failure that's normal. I can't control if others will behave in ways that will hurt me all I can control is how I interpret others actions or make meaning of others actions. For example Katie Jo doesn't make the effort to reach out so I interpret that as she is self-absorbed and doesn't need me that she has someone new. I'll have to let it go. wow it's taken a long or been a long time coming. I'll choose to interpret that as she is young and has not yet understood or she is a fearful person or that's just how she treats her ex's. or it's too painful to put herself out there to be hurt. like she's been stung by me the time i did not respond to her so she vows to never email again. To put your heart out there and to have a love dissolve really is painful. We suppress it the best we can and I've learned to but it will surface sooner or later. it wasn't the worst of breakups but it was painful none the less.
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Holiday Spirit

I've spent several Christmases alone either by choice or by circumstance and it's not an ideal experience. This Christmas I got to witness people helping each other move out and move in, myself included. I felt much generosity and abundance of time and love to be shared between friends and complete strangers. It has been one of the best holidays yet. Perhaps I am doing something right as I am attracting a lot of good people in my life. 'Tis the season to give. May you notice the holiday spirit all around you.

Free Hug Day

I am human. I need affection. Touch me. Kiss me. Hug me. The homeless man asks for spare change. So sorry sir. No spange here. I can offer a hug.

9/18/07

Volunteer Experiences Had and To Have

Volunteer Experiences Had

Blackland Community: Johnson House
VSA Arts: Face Painting, Austin Assisted Living Center
Sunshine Garden: Clean Chicken Coop, Trim Hedges, Weeded
People's Community Clinic: Storytime
Volunteer Health Center: Registration assistance, Landscaping
DSACT: Goodie Bag Stuff, Lamination, Learning Program, Women's Race
Austin Involved: Keep Austin Kind, Dress For Success, Arts For Anthros, Abused Women's Apartment Prep
Single Volunteers of Austin: ARC Soup Kitchen
Sachse Saigons:
Walnut Creek: After School Reading, Camp Assistant
Master's Camp: Camp Counselor - Horseback, pool cleaning
Blue Dragon:
East Dallas Counseling: ESL Class, Office Help
Settlement Home

Volunteer Experiences to Have

People's Community Clinic: Film work, Massage Day
Fuze:
Trees For Pease:
Saheli:

Dad's Shop - Sachse, TX "Just a Carpenter's Son"

Most people understand the meaning received giving help but do not give meaning to receiving help. My current "power" struggle with my dad entails who is helping who. To experience meaning in my workings with pops, I tell myself that I am helping him out, helping with "the load of family responsibility" as he so often whines about.

On the other hand, my father experiences meaning in his efforts with me by telling himself that he is helping me establish a career (in carpentry) so that I will have a future. We both have the idea that we are each sacrificing our own freedoms for the benefit of the other. Pops says he can find anyone to replace me, essentially. I don't believe that. I dunno, I guess he could, actually. I love him and have a healthy dosage of family obligation, that's why I am still here.

His favorite saying is, "If you don't follow my way, you will not amount to anything." Not those exact words, but it's basically what I hear. What he actually says is that he does not believe that I have the capabilities to compete in the marketplace. This statement used to hurt me. It still hurts, but moreso gives me fire to disprove him, now that I know more about what I want and what means anything to me. Sometimes, on lonely nights, I wonder if he's right, but not for long.

My dad is so insecure about O.P.P "other people's opinions", especially when it comes to inferiority of knowledge. Quote, "I'm 50 years "experienced". You think I don't know anything?" What is the hidden meaning behind this, pops?

When you work with family, naturally, personal business always mixes in with business business. For example, when we are on the road, traveling to worksites or making equipment purchases or for whatever reason, we always end up talking about family matters or pops is being didactic, teaching me about life and social awareness. His conspiracy is that people are out there to get us. Spend one day with my dad and you'll learn to either love him or hate him. He's an intense personality.

I find that people find meaning in their work by doing the best they can at whatever it is that they do. Charles Barkly, the ex-basketball pro used to say that. And so there is meaning today for me. Back to Wally the Welder(See Nov '04 entries), hey, if he finds meaning being an expert in welding, then that is terrific. Perhaps I can be in expert in meaning one day.

Funny how "let's give them something to talk about" plays on the radio for a father and son pair struggling to bridge the generational gap.

If you're a fan of CBS's "The Amazing Race", my dad makes Ron look like a boy scout.
3/18/05