Daily MotiPain

Emotional and Physical pain we feel Daily if we choose to not take action
- lack of inspiration to prevent pain > imagine the pain we feel of consequences of not taking action
- overwhelming quantity of action before out & about > prepare meal night before
- computer eyes burnout
Emotional and Physical pain we feel Weekly if we choose to not take action
- overwhelming quantity of maintenance tasks > D.E.A.L.
- lack of progress, unworthiness > refs4success, specific goals adjust
Emotional and Physical pain we feel Monthly? if we choose to not take action
this is our approach
eyes closed, earls plugged , breath steady
think of consequences or just watch the video it's already done it should work almost every time

motipain, motivation, pains

Things I've Learned - Month of January

We Will Be Provided For

I'm trying to make this a monthly entry. let's see. things that i have learned. first thing that comes to mind is the idea that often times we don't so much learn things as we do re-learn them. I find that mistakes made more than once really irritate me to make a change.
- The best way to learn is to teach
the idea that by listening and helping others we are actually in the process of hearing and helping ourselves out in the process. I have friends trying to figure out their lives and they remind me so much of myself and every time I take the time to be a friend and share with them what I've learned, I am only reiterating these lessons for myself
- the quality of our lives is in direct relation to the quality of our communication. the most important of which is what and how we communicate to ourselves, especially seeming negative events that happen to us. For example, I once owned a moped I bought to deliver pizzas for a local chain called Gumby's (the only place that would allow me to do so). After a week, it broke down in the middle of a run. I decided that that pizza still had to be delivered so I pushed-walked the moped the rest of the way, delivered the pizza and pushed-walked it all the way back to Gumby's.

I told the manager of my predicament and subsequently went into an emotional funk for a month or so. It would cost about the same to fix the scooter as it was to purchase a new one. It was the only idea I had at the time to provide for myself.

Looking back, I had communicated to myself that I was an idiot for buying that scooter and why try when Life only beats you down, along with "I'm no good" and that "Life is hard". In addition, I was couch-surfing a friend's place (actually, kitchen-surfing as there was no couch only 5x4 linoleum space in the kitchen to sleep) and knew that I had a limited amount of time before I overstayed my welcome. I felt so alone. I was devastated.

If this same scenario were to happen to me today I would first acknowledged that this was a definite possibility buying a used scooter. Secondly, i would go celebrate by buying myself a nice meal and getting a massage, anything to break me off from my depressing state. I would then lay down, close my eyes, and rest. After that I would muster the courage to face the day and go for a walk.

Then I would just try to do something I enjoyed just for pleasure's sake; play basketball, listen to music, read book (but stay away from the t.v. as that can be counterproductive). This, to remind myself that Life, in addition to being hard, can also be filled with simple pleasures, and that God will provide for me if I am willing to get back on my feet.

Once I got out of my mental bog (the idea that this too shall pass) then i believe that motivation starts with a thought. I think a lot that exists in the world once started from a single thought. I would have begun to think about what the breaking down of the scooter means. Perhaps it means that God wanted me to be safe and that the moped could have caused me an injury? Perhaps it meant that I was being tested. If anything it was a way for me to appreciate what i do have now At the time it totally sucked. Oh, it could be a lesson that I need to learn. That when it comes to providing for myself, it's dangerous to put all my eggs in one basket - or be weary of purchasing a used scooter if you don't know anything about fixing them. If I could, I would go back and whisper to myself, "I know if feels bleak at the moment, but I assure you, you will be provided for."

keywords: lessons

roommate relationship clarify

what we want relationships: three kinds > intimate (spiritual), care partner, business
define what you don't want
qualities: self absorbed.
what we want: mutually sharing, caring, contributing, communicates well, makes us feel significant, common values,
create personal for craigslist for sharing/talking buddy
search for similar chat buddy ads

Ken

business relationship: wedding photography, labor moving,
personal - activity partner, project love. reflective personal coach. do you want to change? what do you want to change? how can we be a resource for one another? stress management
* wants a woman to love him, $300/mnth child support
+'s likes to share what he has, friendly, pretty funny guy, lots of energy

Chris

business: moving w/ ken
personal: volunteer partner,
+'s considerate, generous, kind, loves to share things, loves to connect, looks for the good in others

Daniel

business relationship: rent, massage barter,
personal - activity partner, conversational. personal coach, do you want to change,
+'s loves to share things, loves to connect, looks for the good in others

Brian

business relationship - bulk of rent,
personal - cycling, groceries, dining
+'s generous, he's never at home, driven (motivation by osmosis) Self - be more productive, focused, have more money, be better at relationship, eat healthier, have more female friends.
relationship clarify
what we do not want:
- to feel that we did not experience the highs in life associated with romantic love
- the feeling that I'm "missing out" on something
- don't want hurt misunderstanding unresolved hurts.
what we do want:
- authentic love: that you love me b/c you think i'm beautiful and you can't stand seeing me alone and yet i know you're okay but that you deserve more.
- i want to give to others
- i want muses's to inspire me
- focused on social change in a fun way.
- I want to hold and love a baby child.
- I want to feel needed
- I also want my freedom
- I want to be admired

relationships or forming them can equal hurt and i shed a tear today and did not know why and realized that I have not done well in my relationships and I can focus on what I can change, because that's the only thing that I can control is how i treat others so here are some of the mistakes I've made in the past and how I hope to remedy them.
1 I have felt disappointed and hurt by others my dad, katie jo, i don't know how i can change or prevent feeling hurt. so I've shied away from relationships. They hurt so much but that's no way to live. fear of disappointment or failure that's normal. I can't control if others will behave in ways that will hurt me all I can control is how I interpret others actions or make meaning of others actions. For example Katie Jo doesn't make the effort to reach out so I interpret that as she is self-absorbed and doesn't need me that she has someone new. I'll have to let it go. wow it's taken a long or been a long time coming. I'll choose to interpret that as she is young and has not yet understood or she is a fearful person or that's just how she treats her ex's. or it's too painful to put herself out there to be hurt. like she's been stung by me the time i did not respond to her so she vows to never email again. To put your heart out there and to have a love dissolve really is painful. We suppress it the best we can and I've learned to but it will surface sooner or later. it wasn't the worst of breakups but it was painful none the less.
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Holiday Spirit

I've spent several Christmases alone either by choice or by circumstance and it's not an ideal experience. This Christmas I got to witness people helping each other move out and move in, myself included. I felt much generosity and abundance of time and love to be shared between friends and complete strangers. It has been one of the best holidays yet. Perhaps I am doing something right as I am attracting a lot of good people in my life. 'Tis the season to give. May you notice the holiday spirit all around you.

Free Hug Day

I am human. I need affection. Touch me. Kiss me. Hug me. The homeless man asks for spare change. So sorry sir. No spange here. I can offer a hug.

9/18/07