Tunnel Vision

I realize i have some poor relationship skills that i could do better to improve them. I think I'm sometimes afraid to self examine. It's much easier (not to mention more comfortable) to live in self delusion but i think to be true to oneself is important work.

i had a dream about a truck (a blue green ford ranger to be exact) that had flattened tires and i went to fix it. The truck belonged to a man that didn't really need it and let it fall to pieces. I put gas in the truck and had a mechanic inspect it. Turns out all it needs is a set of new tires! Just when I thought this perfect truck (not too big, not too small) was mine to keep, the owner returned and said otherwise. I was disappointed but in spite I claimed that I didn't need it anyway (which was a lie).

The man's wife invited me up for dinner along with their kids (as a concession I suppose) but I declined stating that I would rather lay down by the lake and take a nap instead (again, out of spite). I woke up feeling shameful of how i behaved in my dream. Am I so defensive in real life? I asked myself. How can I learn to trust better.

woke up from another dream where i was jogging at a really fast clip and feeling really good and woke up wanting to go running. how nice it would be to wake up everyday feeling this inspired.

I wonder if i can recapture my inquisitive nature, a quality i had as a younger person.

i went to climb a tree today and so when i'm bored i like to do it sightless. Using just "feel" i climbed my way on up. when i finally did open my eyes i was amazed at just how far and high I had come. It's interesting how far you can go when you don't focus on falling (my eyes were closed I wasn't thinking about how far i would fall) and just focus on where you want to go.

The Passion Test

reading a great book called the passion test by Janet Attwood. the basic premise is if you feel lethargic about your life, there's hope. Everyone has a passion, our job is to discover it. Some wonderful quotes from this read so far:

" There are two great days in a person's life -
the day we are born
and the day we discover why."

"We are at our very best, and we are happiest,
when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy,
on the journey toward the goal we've established for ourselves.
It gives meaning to our time off and comfort to our sleep,
It makes everything else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile."

Good Apples

Just clipped my nails a few days ago and they've already grown back. Is it? me or do nails grow faster in the summer? Is this also true of hair?

On Thursday I had one of those moments in the week where I felt absolutely fine - like everything in my life is exactly how it should be. This feeling very seldom but when it does come I really appreciate it. A large portion of my twenties has been a battle with a negative emotional pattern. I discovered a film that speaks of this challenge

Questions to ponder...
Would you rather each an organically grown apple but picked by a booger picking farmer or an conventional one?

Airport Writing

i'm at the airport. i biked there. there's not too many people who bicycle to the airport. I guess that's b/c normally when you go to the airport you have luggage to carry. Well today I'm traveling light. Not traveling to Hawaii per say, I'm here to people watch and get inspired to write and travel. So i'm armchair traveling. watching people as they come and go. it's something i try to do every now and then.

I still have my bicycle gloves and helmet on and to brainstorm writing pieces I'll talk into a voice recorder. So you can imagine the quizzicle look the homeland security guard has as he's making his rounds. they do this over and over i guess to make terrorists uneasy. as if a terrorists hasn't already prepared himself with all that needs to be done way before he arrives at the airport. He's looking for suspicious behavior. should i act normal and try to fit into this sunday morning crowd?

i don't really enjoy cooking. what i really enjoy is eating. the thing is i don't really like the process of cooking. i like eating more. i'll make a heap full of beans and rice for the whole week. but it's bland and gets boring. i don't like repeated processes. if i can avoid it, i will. i'll go out to eat so i'll have some variety, but it gets expensive. have any ideas? i'm more interesting to to cook for others. so maybe i'll invite friends over for a potluck.

i've been blessed in the past with women who could cook: my mother, partners, girlfriends. After we break up, however, can we cook for each other still? dang! i miss that.

crab is about the most inefficient kind of food you can eat. for a self proclaimed lazy person, i will stay away from crustacazoids?

Web Article: Global Rich List

Everyone wants to live a joyful life. But how can we achieve it? How can we live a joyful life despite the not-so-good things that occasionally happen in our life?

An important key, I believe, is being a grateful person. If you are grateful, you will see the world differently. You will see that there are always good things behind everything that happen. You will realize that your life is wonderful, and you will be joyful.

To help you be a grateful person, here are 10 simple tips you can do:

1. Realize how rich you are
   Often we think that we need more and more money. This, probably, is one of the main reasons that makes us difficult to be grateful. But do you realize how rich you are now? Just go to Global Rich List, enter your annual income, and see the result. Chance is, you are richer than billions of other people. In fact, you most likely sit in the top tier of the world’s richness ranking.
2. Realize what a healthy and prosperous life you have
   Life expectancy in most of the human history is only 20-35 years. And most of those years were spent in diseases, poverty, and misery. Only in the last century had human life expectancy increased significantly to the current average of 67 years.
   Not only that, your standard of living today is much, much higher than almost all people in the history of the world. For example, even kings in the past could not match your convenience in traveling today!
   It is estimated that there are 106 billions people who have ever been born on earth, with 6 billions are living today. Combined with your answer in point 1, I would say that you are healthier and more prosperous than 99% other people in the human history! You are in the top 1% of the healthiest and most prosperous people ever born.
3. Realize what a blessing it is to live in peace
   No matter how rich and healthy you are, life will be full of fear and misery in the time of war. Can you imagine being in the midst of a city bombarded with bombs? Can you imagine being on the spot in Rwandan holocaust? It’s a nightmare. Living in peace is a great blessing which by itself deserves your sincerest gratitude.
4. Open your eyes to see the good things in your life
   We tend to see the bad things that happen in our life but overlook the good things. What a pity. Open your eyes and be observant of those good things. Even small things matter. If someone calls you a friend, that’s something you should be grateful for. If a child smiles to you, that should remind you that hope is always here in this world.
5. Maintain a “good things” journal
   Take one step further and write the good things that happen in your life in a journal, especially those which impress you. When life looks dark and it’s difficult for you to be grateful, open and read your journal. You will soon realize the wonderful life you have and you will get new strength to overcome your problems.
6. Understand that there are positive things behind all the bad things that happen
   This might be difficult for some people, but I firmly believe it. At the very least, bad things give you valuable lessons you should be grateful for. When you have this mindset, it’s not difficult to see the good things you could get out of something bad. This way you will always have reasons to be grateful.
7. Have a special session of gratitude
   Understanding that you should be grateful won’t help much if you don’t put it into practice. Allocate special time for your “session of gratitude” even if it’s only 5-10 minutes a day. Think about the good things that happen in your days and express your gratitude.
8. Meet positive people
   You will be like the people you gather with. It’s hard for you to be grateful if the people you meet all the days are negative people. Surround yourself with positive people who themselves are grateful people, and it will be much easier and natural for you to be a grateful person.
9. Focus on giving
   You will be grateful if your mind focuses on what you have rather than what you don’t have. By giving, your mind will focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have (you can’t give something you don’t have, can you?). Most people focus on receiving which makes their mind focus on what they don’t have. No wonder it’s difficult for them to be grateful.
10. Decide to be a grateful person
    The above nine tips can help you become a grateful person, but eventually it’s up to you to decide whether or not you want to be one. If you decide to be a grateful person, then be it. The same thing happens otherwise. No matter what happens to you, it is still you who decide how you will respond. So make the decision to be a grateful person.

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