Keep the Window Cracked

1. People I've met:
* a woman plops on the seat in front of me and the first thing she does is complains why the bus is 10 minutes late. I don't care for complainers so I put on my headphones, avoid eye contact, and focus my eyes on a book. A few minutes pass and she asks me if she can use my cell phone. I pretend that I don't hear her and continue reading my book. She tenacious however and pokes her hand in my face to get my attention. I look up reluctantly.
" Do you have a phone?"
Me: "Yea."
" May I use it to make a phone call?"
Despite not having a good impression of her I figure it wouldn't hurt. She then proceeds to jabber for a good fifteen minutes and I give up reading my book. I can't wait to get off this bus. Then magic happens. She strikes up a conversation with a blind girl next to her, complimenting her on her pretty hair. At the next stop she helps a handicapped guy get off the buss and I think to myself, that's nice of her, she's probably a friendly person after all. I am reminded of the truism: there's always good in everyone, you just have to keep your eyes open.
* one of my favorite things to do in public is eavesdrop on people's conversations. I'm nosy.
* I ask my friend Scotty a hypothetical question: could he love someone who cheats on him and he replies, "if you really really love them, then you have no choice. it's unconditional." I guess he has a point.
2. Highlights from past week:
* I had a dream a little boy was so proud that he had such a great big brother and I wanted to be that big brother.
* a sign at an elementary school has a big red apple and a smiling green worm and says "bite into life"
* I received a call from a number I didn't recognize. I answered and a lady on the line said " Jonathan is in the nurse's office not feeling good."
I replied, "I'm sorry to hear that Jonathan is not feeling well but you have the wrong number." It reminded me of the time I got a busted lip on my first day of middle school courtesy of an accidental headbutt.
* I took a bike ride all the way to south austin past ben white and it felt like I was in a completely different city. There's always something magical about the air around you when you find yourself in a new environment. Even the trees looked different to me.
* I treated myself to a massage. Hadn't had one in over two years. It's just what I needed and I highly recommend it.
* Spent Wednesday at the Farmer's Market. I'm suppose to feel like an outsider since I'm the only guy without a family or even a girlfriend but that doesn't stop me. To see happy families and chubby little kids makes me pretty happy. A baby boy even crawled up close to take a look at my notebook. I'd like to have a family of my own someday but for now it will have to be a vicarious affair.
* I've been watching romance movies lately. It's funny because even as a teenager I would have a stack of romance novels in my drawer. My dad even found one once and I was not embarrassed. So what? Why can't a boy be into raunchy literature? My favorite romance movies are made by Cameron Crowe: Jerry Maguire and Vanilla Sky.
3. Antihighlights
* For some reason a guy cleaning his car caught my attention as I was riding my bike. It turned out to be a mistake as he was bending over to vacuum and I caught an eyefull of buttcrack. Please, kind sir, pull up your pants. Then I thought to myself, no one asked me to look. The bright side was that I didn't run into a curb or the stop sign.
4. Random thoughts
* what in the world is antipasta? is it a) a dish that does not have pasta b) an adjective describing one who is against holding on to the past. If it's a) then I think that's pretty stupid. How about some antifriedchicken.
* is it an oxymoron when the first thing that fighters do after they win a fight is to thank jesus?
Quotes I've enjoyed:
* you can be poor by yourself you don't need any help
* tough times don't last, tough people do

What We Have in Common

I will attempt a new 21 day challenge. my room mate is trying to quit smoking and I'm going to try and quit lazy (being, that is). So much like a working out, I will try to sit down and do some things that I generally do not care for (cooking, cleaning, etc) first thing when I wake (okay, after my morning coffee which is usually a book and/or something yummy to eat, b/c getting up in the morning is hard as it is)

After reading a self growth book called the Flip Side by a guy named Flip Flippen (I unsure if that's his birth name) it speaks about 8 things that hold people back, all of those I have and one that sticks out like a sore thumb: lack of drive. On top of that, Flip says that by the time a person turns thirty, it's downhill from there, that our patterns become ingrained, unlikely to change. That gives me approximately half a year. I better get going.

when I was 14 my dad made me shovel dirt for our family garden. Now, when you're 14, you don't like being told what to do, especially if it does not promise fun. It would be a week before I could dig all that needed to be dug. I was discouraged. Digging up dirt was not my idea of a good time. Interestingly, on the second day, I began to like it and even take pride in the work. I began to focus less on how hot and dirty the job was, and focus on the thought that my dad had asked me of all my siblings. I felt strong and proud. The next day, I could care less about pride and being strong. This sucks, I thought. Somehow I was able to complete the project and I sometimes look back on that experience fondly; a reference in what can be when we control what we focus on.

When I was itty bitty in Vietnam I would skip school and go to the pond by my house to catch frogs. One day I found my dad skipping work and going fishing himself, both not ready, i guess, to face up to the "real world". I prefer to see it as father and son both enjoying the jubilation of not doing what is expected of us. I don't remember if I was reprimanded nor do I remember if I understood the concept of blackmail or hypocrisy.

A barefoot man ran down a busy intersection of Lamar screaming "Holly! Holly!" My first guestimation of the situation was that his disgruntled lover had ran off from an argument. He had such a look of absolute devotion and desperation at the same time. It turns out Holly is his dog who took off after a bird or who knows what.

My life today is far from what I imagined it to be as a senior in high school; far from ideal but the process of living, learning, and growing (despite it's moments of discomfort and despair) is something that I am, if not happy with, at least open to.

Quotes I've enjoyed this week:
love, joy, happiness are often not found but created.
When I see an adult on a bicycle I do not despair for the the future of the human race - H.G. Wells

Random thoughts I've had:
* Caucasians have bread. Latinos, tortillas. Asians have rice paper. All edible. all delicious.
* When you come from poverty it is more of a challenge to learn to give.
* Here in Austin, the school for the deaf is a lot better kept than the school for the blind. I wonder if that is because of politics/funding or the fact that the blind students could care less what the grounds look like.
*There's a roll of scotch tape that i've been using sparingly for the last 2 years. It's almost out and I feel a pang of heartache. I'm gonna miss you, scotch tape. You've been good to me.

A Special Request

Slow
Dance

This
is a poem
written by a teenager with cancer.

She wants to
see how many
people get her poem.

It is quite the poem
Please pass it
on.

This
poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a
New York Hospital ..
It was sent
by

a medical doctor -
Make sure to read what is in the closing statement
AFTER THE
POEM.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever
watched
kids
On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to
the
rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a

butterfly's erratic flight?


Or gazed at the sun into the
fading
night?



You better slow down.


Don't
dance so
fast.



Time is short.



The music
won't
last.



Do you run through each day



On
the
fly?


When you ask How are you?



Do you hear
the
reply?



When the day is done



Do you lie
in your
bed



With the next hundred chores




Running through
your head?



You'd better
slow down



Don't dance so
fast.



Time is
short.



The music won't
last.



Ever told your
child,



We'll do it
tomorrow?



And in your
haste,



Not see
his

sorrow?



Ever lost
touch,



Let a good
friendship die



Cause you
never had time



To call
and say,'Hi'



You'd
better slow down.



Don't dance
so fast.



Time
is short.



The music won't
last.



When you run
so fast to get somewhere



You
miss half the fun of getting
there.



When you worry and hurry
through your
day,



It is like an unopened
gift....



Thrown
away.



Life is not a
race.


Do take it
slower



Hear the
music



Before the song is
over.



------------
--------



FORWARDED
E-MAILS ARE TRACKED TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL
COUNT..



Dear All:
PLEASE pass this mail on to everyone you know -
even to those you don't
know! It is the request20of a special girl who will soon
leave this world
due to cancer.



This young girl has 6 months left
to live,
and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to

live their life to the fullest, since she never will.




She'll
never make it to prom, graduate from high school,
or get married and have a
family of her own.



By you sending
this to as many people as
possible, you can give her and her family a
little hope, because with every name
that this is sent to, The American
Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per name
to her treatment and recovery
plan. One guy sent this to 500 people! So I know
that we can at least send
it to 5 or 6. It's
not even your money, just
your
time!



PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST REQUEST.
Dr.

Dennis Shields, Professor
Department of Developmental and
Molecular
Biology
1300
Morris Park
Avenue
Bronx , New York
10461

Love at First Sound

the following is based on true events. Some of the events and characters are composites or totally fictionalized for reading pleasure

The exterior of the department of public safety building near my apartment is designed like a huge concrete grid. I wonder what the authorities there would think of me climbing it, so I tried it out today being that they are closed and in near the top I find a little fairy. The fairy grants me three wishes. I'm ecstatic. My lucky day.

I read today that happiness is only real when shared.

A little boy lost his mother at the store today and crying his heart out. It was adorable seeing him pine for his mother. I can't remember pining for my mother like that in years. It makes me wonder what it's like being a mother knowing that your brood will one day "outgrow" your love. I think I'll call my mother tomorrow and say hello to her.

A lady gives me change at the checkout and i go to count it. i don't trust her? Then I realize she gave me TOO much money. Do I give it back? Do I keep it? I figure corporate America won't be missing a few dollars and decide instead to walk next door to the Chinese restaurant where, in the back, some Hispanic cooks are taking a smoke break.
"This is for you". I off the overage i received at the store to him. He looks at me quizzically, cautious at first, weighs his options and decides to accept the gift from the crazy Asian with the pink backpack and bicycle basket. I smile and say "Feliz Navidad." The fact that it's August is not lost on me.

how do we trust the the oncoming traffic won't come head on to us? Went on a nice morning ride and had these thoughts floating through my mind. I guess we just do. Otherwise we would never get anywhere would we?

the one good thing about some friendships is it's seamlessness, if you can't get your needs once place you can find it in another friend. Although I appreciate this quality, I also yearn for relationships that require a higher standard.

At the bus stop today as I was waiting for a ride, I happened upon a visually impaired couple. Normally it's an older couple but today a pair in their early twenties made their way across Lamar and 51st, one of the busier street intersections in Austin. My heart always melts when I see couples with physical challenges of any kind. I'm sure they have their own quirks and engage in their fare share of disagreements, but it's the earnestness that gets me. There's something especially sweet about two people who love each other who have no idea what the other looks like. There's something noble about that. I too will aspire to love at first sound.

quotes I've enjoyed this week:
"love like you've never lost before"
"i posses a troublesome superabundance of that sort of time which is not money"

Connecting with Others

I sometimes find it challenging to connect with others. I think it's likely that I can use some work on my listening skills. With this in mind, I have found it easier to pay attention to someone with my eyes closed. I put on my shades and close my eyes. it's a little weird, I know, but the person doesn't know I have my eyes closed. It's fun to really listen to another person and "hear" what they are saying.


I don't know why today when the at the farmer's market I was approached to do a survey or fill out a questionnaire or be asked to donate a kidney; I'm not sure, because before I heard her pitch I was avoiding eye contact and said "no thank you" before she even did her spill. Then I asked myself, well, that was not necessary of me. I could have just given her a few seconds of my time and then either choose to continue listening or say no thank you. I didn't even give her a chance and I did not feel good about that. I think I'll try to stay open to things before making a judgment. I'm sure she was just doing her job and perhaps even had something worthwhile to share.

I sometimes feel conflicted. The things that I enjoy the most, don't have much inherent meaning or are nonproductive (books, film, sports). I'm on a quest to create ways to use the things I enjoy as tools to contribute to the people I care about. What do you love? :)