July 24, 2003

A Hippie Ethic

4:46 P.M Pharmacy Building Austin -- TX

God. It's a gorgeous day outside. I mean, truly picturesque. I feel very lucky to be alive and well here in Austin. Just got back fr9om volunteering at a soup kitchen downtown. Good thin I came hungry, too, because there was plenty of food. What perplexed me though was the mixed feelings I had about my experience. I guess poverty caused me to feel uneasy. I don't enfoy seeing others in poverty. It disturbs me.

All these questions pop up in my head about these homeless people. Where do they sleep at night? What became of their relationships with their siblings? Are they happy with their lives? Or is being poor really not that bad a gig? Right now, I guess what's so bothersome is that I don't see the distinction between their lives and my life. If i feel disgusted by their existence, feel pity, then is MY life to be pitied? Essentially I am without home.

Essentially. my relationship with my siblings has deteriorated and that disturbs me. Sure, wealthy people can feel out of place, rejected and sure, wealthy people can have fall-outs with their families too, but at least, the rich can put on an image of success. Perhaps I cannot answer for the homeless of Austin, but I can answer for myself what I think will be a successful 9outcome for me. Maybe being fed by youngsters when I am 40 is not my picture of success.

Perhaps volunteering and eating recycled foods despite being incredibly wealthy will, or riding a bicycle to work despite being incredibly wealthy is also. Pewrhaps it's about having power over oneself. "unlimited power" by Anthony Robbins, check it out at your local library. I do remember wanting to live in poverty out of choice and using my money for goodwill, goodwork, and activism.

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