September 01, 2011

Acoustic Cover of Coldplay's "The Scientist" Enjoy!

Acoustic Cover of Coldplay Scientist

August 05, 2011

kinda beat today.  lifted some heavy weights yesterday and am feeling it coupled with the heat.  so the days are long but i try to remember the years are short so i take a deep breath and appreciate the day for what it is, a gift.

note to self.  don't pick your nose.  don't pick your nose especially after cutting jalepenos.

May 10, 2011

How to recover from mind workouts.

How to recover from mind workouts.
brainfood: inspirational books, music, film, photos: all of the above.
spending time with inspirational friends?

April 09, 2011


what a life it's been so far. so many things i've learned and so many setbacks along the way, so many stumbles towards happiness. it's always been a two step, two steps forward, one step back and back again. little by little i hope and am certain i will achieve my dreams. what are my dreams? i don't know exactly, what i do know is that they these dreams will fulfill all my six human needs, and from there I will continue to grow and contribute, I don't know I believe somewhere, dormant, sleeping inside of me a beautiful spirit a sleeping giant, slumbering inside of me, a great person ready ato emerge when he's ready and a kind gentle giant, ready to rock and rip this world.
I see a vision, i used to reminisce, now i'm into futuring, i'm into imaging life as it will be, that i can imagine it will be better than it is. a place where babies are abundant and flowing with love and I'm significant in their lives,. Am i not already doing that now? I can talk to Marie ah, i see, perhaps she sees it as a limited action, well we'll see. it has to benefit me in some way for it to sustain. wow, this is really something amazing. I produce all these films and they help to raise funds. funds for what? what do you need funds for when you've got all of these volunteers doing the work for you. who doesn't love babies, but when it's time for real contribution, let's see where it goes from here.

let's imagine a beautiful future. a future whee there is love and connection all around me where i have a care team that rocks this joint and i feel strong in love, i feel that there is abundance, that there will be love for us all. That I have much to give, that I am strong, that I can give and give b/c I have conditioned myself to and fined the rewards so amazing.
I imagine a life where I am certain that my needs will be met a life that I know even though change lies ahead that I will be able to take on whatever comes my way. That I have a support system that keeps me strong, that keeps me grounded. A life where there is abundant variety, where there is much to do and surprises along the way. A life where I feel needed by others and significant in the lives of others and that I have a unique love to offer and that I believe that inside each of us there is a sleeping giant, read to awake and to contribute. The idea of human potential, the human potential movement.

I imagine a life where I continue to grow as a person, where my skills continue to grow and a place to contribute. thank you for this wonderful crazy beautiful life.

April 06, 2011


each time I fall it always scares me that I'll never return and yet each time when I do eventually get back on the saddle I am reconfirmed, reassured, that this too shall pass.


March 27, 2011

I don't know why but i've been receiving messages to connect with my loneliness. As though i need to feel sad Things are going very well in my life i'm hopeful of the fture and yet I've been encouraged by several people to reconnect with my dad. But they don't know about what I've seen. They don't know how deep the hurt goes. I'm trying my best to turn a sadness into empowerment.

March 25, 2011

Yo this is so awesome. I'm back dawg. I'm back! i can speak my mind! anytone can come and read all mty weird thoughts . this is so cool. People have no idea just how strange i am. this is sso fun. a place for my head. a place to express myslef freely. what a riot. I wonder if this iss acutally a good idea. i mean who i nthe world visits this timy little blog anyways?
so I guess we'll see
i'm always writing, always thihking. comone but I want to produce something for oepeple ot read. if they associate my writing as just a bunch if stupid stuff. then i don't know maybe they may not come for visit after all. well if they associate me y blog with being never updated then they won't visit either. i dunno. i guess this really is aformat to be myself and to wrtie drats. in the making. I have no idea. let's see where this goes. wait, you read my blog? that's insamne! that's crazy. perhaps i should not write all these carzy things. chuckles at self. Am i really that weird? I guess so man.

random, thoughts

February 21, 2011

Daily MotiPain

Emotional and Physical pain we feel Daily if we choose to not take action
- lack of inspiration to prevent pain > imagine the pain we feel of consequences of not taking action
- overwhelming quantity of action before out & about > prepare meal night before
- computer eyes burnout
Emotional and Physical pain we feel Weekly if we choose to not take action
- overwhelming quantity of maintenance tasks > D.E.A.L.
- lack of progress, unworthiness > refs4success, specific goals adjust
Emotional and Physical pain we feel Monthly? if we choose to not take action
this is our approach
eyes closed, earls plugged , breath steady
think of consequences or just watch the video it's already done it should work almost every time

motipain, motivation, pains

February 08, 2011

Things I've Learned - Month of January

We Will Be Provided For
I'm trying to make this a monthly entry. let's see. things that i have learned. first thing that comes to mind is the idea that often times we don't so much learn things as we do re-learn them. I find that mistakes made more than once really irritate me to make a change.
- The best way to learn is to teach
the idea that by listening and helping others we are actually in the process of hearing and helping ourselves out in the process. I have friends trying to figure out their lives and they remind me so much of myself and every time I take the time to be a friend and share with them what I've learned, I am only reiterating these lessons for myself
- the quality of our lives is in direct relation to the quality of our communication. the most important of which is what and how we communicate to ourselves, especially seeming negative events that happen to us. For example, I once owned a moped I bought to deliver pizzas for a local chain called Gumby's (the only place that would allow me to do so). After a week, it broke down in the middle of a run. I decided that that pizza still had to be delivered so I pushed-walked the moped the rest of the way, delivered the pizza and pushed-walked it all the way back to Gumby's.

I told the manager of my predicament and subsequently went into an emotional funk for a month or so. It would cost about the same to fix the scooter as it was to purchase a new one. It was the only idea I had at the time to provide for myself.

Looking back, I had communicated to myself that I was an idiot for buying that scooter and why try when Life only beats you down, along with "I'm no good" and that "Life is hard". In addition, I was couch-surfing a friend's place (actually, kitchen-surfing as there was no couch only 5x4 linoleum space in the kitchen to sleep) and knew that I had a limited amount of time before I overstayed my welcome. I felt so alone. I was devastated.

If this same scenario were to happen to me today I would first acknowledged that this was a definite possibility buying a used scooter. Secondly, i would go celebrate by buying myself a nice meal and getting a massage, anything to break me off from my depressing state. I would then lay down, close my eyes, and rest. After that I would muster the courage to face the day and go for a walk.

Then I would just try to do something I enjoyed just for pleasure's sake; play basketball, listen to music, read book (but stay away from the t.v. as that can be counterproductive). This, to remind myself that Life, in addition to being hard, can also be filled with simple pleasures, and that God will provide for me if I am willing to get back on my feet.

Once I got out of my mental bog (the idea that this too shall pass) then i believe that motivation starts with a thought. I think a lot that exists in the world once started from a single thought. I would have begun to think about what the breaking down of the scooter means. Perhaps it means that God wanted me to be safe and that the moped could have caused me an injury? Perhaps it meant that I was being tested. If anything it was a way for me to appreciate what i do have now At the time it totally sucked. Oh, it could be a lesson that I need to learn. That when it comes to providing for myself, it's dangerous to put all my eggs in one basket - or be weary of purchasing a used scooter if you don't know anything about fixing them. If I could, I would go back and whisper to myself, "I know if feels bleak at the moment, but I assure you, you will be provided for."

keywords: lessons

January 29, 2011

roommate relationship clarify

what we want relationships: three kinds > intimate (spiritual), care partner, business
define what you don't want
qualities: self absorbed.
what we want: mutually sharing, caring, contributing, communicates well, makes us feel significant, common values,
create personal for craigslist for sharing/talking buddy
search for similar chat buddy ads

business relationship: wedding photography, labor moving,
personal - activity partner, project love. reflective personal coach. do you want to change? what do you want to change? how can we be a resource for one another? stress management
* wants a woman to love him, $300/mnth child support
+'s likes to share what he has, friendly, pretty funny guy, lots of energy
business: moving w/ ken
personal: volunteer partner,
+'s considerate, generous, kind, loves to share things, loves to connect, looks for the good in others
business relationship: rent, massage barter,
personal - activity partner, conversational. personal coach, do you want to change,
+'s loves to share things, loves to connect, looks for the good in others
business relationship - bulk of rent,
personal - cycling, groceries, dining
+'s generous, he's never at home, driven (motivation by osmosis) Self - be more productive, focused, have more money, be better at relationship, eat healthier, have more female friends.
relationship clarify
what we do not want:
- to feel that we did not experience the highs in life associated with romantic love
- the feeling that I'm "missing out" on something
- don't want hurt misunderstanding unresolved hurts.
what we do want:
- authentic love: that you love me b/c you think i'm beautiful and you can't stand seeing me alone and yet i know you're okay but that you deserve more.
- i want to give to others
- i want muses's to inspire me
- focused on social change in a fun way.
- I want to hold and love a baby child.
- I want to feel needed
- I also want my freedom
- I want to be admired

relationships or forming them can equal hurt and i shed a tear today and did not know why and realized that I have not done well in my relationships and I can focus on what I can change, because that's the only thing that I can control is how i treat others so here are some of the mistakes I've made in the past and how I hope to remedy them.
1 I have felt disappointed and hurt by others my dad, katie jo, i don't know how i can change or prevent feeling hurt. so I've shied away from relationships. They hurt so much but that's no way to live. fear of disappointment or failure that's normal. I can't control if others will behave in ways that will hurt me all I can control is how I interpret others actions or make meaning of others actions. For example Katie Jo doesn't make the effort to reach out so I interpret that as she is self-absorbed and doesn't need me that she has someone new. I'll have to let it go. wow it's taken a long or been a long time coming. I'll choose to interpret that as she is young and has not yet understood or she is a fearful person or that's just how she treats her ex's. or it's too painful to put herself out there to be hurt. like she's been stung by me the time i did not respond to her so she vows to never email again. To put your heart out there and to have a love dissolve really is painful. We suppress it the best we can and I've learned to but it will surface sooner or later. it wasn't the worst of breakups but it was painful none the less.