November 27, 2004

Friend Profile: Jaime (From Wheatsville - Austin, TX)

Park Austin, TX
The following is a brief biographical sketch of a new friend.
Name: Jaime Age: 30For Money: Wheatsville Co-op, a community-oriented/owned health/politically concious grocery storeBirth Town/Hometown: Raleigh/North Carolina -- Anywhere, USADoB: August 9Title: Conversation and Conservation
Jaime believes in preserving/conserving our natural resources. For example, on another FnB* Wednesday public feeding, I smell something offensive, and at first thought I hoped it was not my asshole, for I was squatting in the traditional chinese horse stance, but as it turns out, it's fresh dog shit that has been smeard on the wet green grass of Republic Park. Worse yet, i get some of it on my hands and so does Jaime.
Naturally I run to the public faucet and wash it off good with soap becasue I was about to eat myself passing the bar of soap to my new friend Jaime only to look up and be perplexed as to why Jaime was choosing to rub the dog shit off with a patch of clean, green albany grass. Smeared the goondiewhopper all over his hand. I give him an inquisitive look, pause, and think to myself, "Hey, buttbrain, what do you think you're doing?" but I'm genuinely curious about this guy...he's otherworldly, so to speak, and ask him, "Jaime, why....why do you do things the way you do things?"
He smiles at me and asks...well, Dao, why do you think I do the things I do? "Is it because you like to do things differently?" I ask...He replies, "no." "Is it because you like to conserve water?" He replies with the same answer but with a chuckle. Still perplexed, I randomly throw out, "Is it because you're gay?" "Nope, that's not it either, but you're close.
The reason is that I figure dogshit contains, like most mammalian fecal matter, a high and healthy concentration of vitamins, minerals, and other essentials to aid in the accelarated propogation of plant matter...and I have absolutely no freakin' idea what I just said...but I thought it would make me sound cool...did I sound cool? I replied with nothing but a blank stare...whoa, I'm speechless...I have hit the oasis of the eccentrics amidst the desert of commoners. Austin. My love. My present home.
* FnB is an acronym for a volunteer organization I participated in here in Austin called "Food not Bombs."